yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
