My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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