i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
