On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
