in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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