That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
