well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
