He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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