Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
