And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
