just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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