Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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