I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
