Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
