Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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