I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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