Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I need water and some morals
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
