Those balls look pretty dangerous.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
