Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
