I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I DEMAND FORESKIN
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
