Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He passed out mid-signature
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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