NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
