That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
