Moan for me like Helen Keller
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
