I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
