Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
