I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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