I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
