Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
