Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
two words...techno handjob
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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