he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
