we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
