Kiss
Puke
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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