hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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