were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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