the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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