my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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