I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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