I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
