i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
