It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
