PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
