I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
