My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
