If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
