i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
