True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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