eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
