you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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