Just took my morning after pill in the library
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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