oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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