just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
