Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
