Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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