i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
