I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
